As parents, does our child's gender give us the right to dictate who they should be?

No, of course it doesn't. So why do so many parents feel it is their child bearing right to dictate who their child should be because they are a boy or a girl? I have witnsessed little boys pushing prams down a toy isle in a store, to see fathers snatch it away from them, as though it was sealing some sort of homosexual fate for their son's future. Mothers directing their daughters out of the toy isle with the toy cars whilst quipping "these are for boys".
Our son has a colourful array of clothing, and he even has a purple buggy and pram.... will this make him gay? No. And if he does turn out to be so, then what? Well, then nothing. Because once he is happy, healthy, respects others and has a kind heart then what more could any selfless parent want?
I have known people in my lifetime, gay friends, who because of how their family would react, have said to me, "I am gay, but I will marry a girl".
That then, is an endless circle of ruined lives. All because of a parents ignorance not judge their own child. The heart of this is surely an insecurity within the parent? Which, in turn will create an insecurity in your child.
Just because you have a son, this does not mean he has to play with toy cars, if he does not want to. And, maybe more importantly,  if he wants to play with his sisters doll, let him. This won't make your son gay, no more then a little girl who wants to play with toy trucks will make her any less of a girl.
Why then is it that so many parents have gender specific regulations for their children? Our children are surely going to grow up to become who they are meant to be regardless of whether they choose a boy, or a girls toy, or what colour clothes they wear. As parents in todays world, more then ever, I myself do not believe we have the right to push, or force our children to be who we want them to be. All that will do is cause friction in parent and child relationships and boost many an insecurity in your childs self esteem for many years into the future. As a mother, it is my duty teamed with my unconditional love, to encourage and nuture my son's personality, and input values of kindess and respect whilst creating awareness of right and wrong. Discouraging him from mistreating others , dispresecting his parents and peers, and as he grows, deter him from any dark paths he meets along his journey through growing life.
We must encourage our children by making them feel safe, and keeping them healthy, mentally just as importantly as physically. We can do all of this without dictating their lives to them. Because, as a parent,  there is as I believe such an huge difference between encouragement and dictation.
So as a parent, is that not something we should focus on being more specific about?

Losing our Disney. Would the children we were, like the adults we turned out to be?

Childhood. A time where innocence and naivity are at its highest peak. A time where we escape our minds to other worlds of imagination and wonder and have a set of morals that are unmatched with the morals of those who have already lost what it was to be a child. But why are the morals that we held as children, now distant ideals, to be scoffed at?
I often wonder, how does a child sit and watch Dumbo, and feel what you felt when you saw that for the first time, when you knew, how wrong it was to have an animal in a circus, and what it stirred in you back then. But, as an adult, will bring your own children to a circus with performing elephants?
I remember once, being in a friends house. And their daughter, who was being raised as a vegetarian herself (so was used to a background of parents who believed in animal welfare)was sitting watching Dumbo. She said to her parents, those people are being horrible to Dumbo... it isnt right. Now, for me, I believe every child who ever watched Dumbo, felt the same way as she did, I did. Even so, do the ethics we are raised with influence how our childhood morals change? Does a child who is not raised with such ethical beliefs on animal rights, or well being have more of a tendancy to lose what they once themselves believed to be wrong or right?
There must be children out there who watched Bambi and like me, were heartbroken,  litrelly watching it, but have gone out in later life and hung a deers head on their wall as a trophy of what they have just killed?
The world is too often out to take away our childrens innocent minds quicker then we would like. I don't need to have a teenager to state that, because I was a child who grew up myself. I hope that my child stays with the morals he will be brought up on. Whether its what we teach him, or what he feels is right or wrong for himself. I think maybe, if a young child, can say, this is wrong, then maybe we should listen and encourage that so they don't lose it? It too could just be natural progression, and that all disney films and others like them feed on the emotions we were more sensitive to back then... whatever the reason for losing the morals we had, I hope that my baba never loses his. Because even now all these years after I first saw Dumbo as a child, I would never support a circus that has any animals there to perform for a morally sedated audience. And I will raise my son, to the same morals, whether he watches Dumbo or not.
So, I guess I would just ask this, if you go back, to before you lost your disney, would the child you were, agree with the morals you now hold, and like the adults you turned out to be?

Feeling lost after taking a short cut....

Due to my baba being breached right up to 38 weeks, he was delivered by a planned cesarean section. I suppose what I want to write about, is the mental and physical aspects on a mothers mind and body from having a baby by cesarean.
My story is that it was planned, so it almost took away from the nervous excitment of "not knowing when the baby will come" but yet there was a convinience to it all.
The whole thing was very clinical, you go into an operating room, and to be fair, you are very distracted to the whole thing because all the practitioners and nurses keep you so. Which is great let me tell you!! But, at the same time, the baby is out, before you even realise or are able to process what is kind of going on. And litrelly, what seems like a few minutes since lying on the table in the first place, and there he was. my first born.
He was taken off to be cleaned, but unlike what you expect from TV, he was not lifted straight away onto my chest. So, I was all sewn up, which did not even take that long either. After been closed up, baba was in my arms and I was wheeled into the recovery room. Now, slightly off the record for a second, when he was born the song we danced to for our wedding first dance happened to be playing on the radio, and it was a really meaningful, weird, destiny type moment. It was Green Day, Time of your Life.
Back on track now...because my body had not gone into labour as such, my breast milk would not flow, so I put baba onto a bottle because he was so hungry. Then, within about an hour I was back in my ward room with the feeling nearly totally back in my legs. Now, the pain afterwards in my stomach area was hard going, even with morphine, and for a good while after. But, that was expected,  what I was stunned by, was the emotional and mental after effects to it all.
I want to share this, because I had a great support at home with my husband, but I can see how other people, if they felt the same way, could feel guilty for it, which I sort of felt, so I just want to reach out to anyone who may of felt down or lost by the mental after effects of a section over a natural birth.
Natural birth is what you mentally prepare yourself for, the entire pregnancy. You brace yourself for a pain you cannot imagine, and an experience your body is able to endure, both mentally and physically. But, with a ceserean, the pain is much different, and even your body knows it without experiencing the alternative. But, it is not for a few days after you start, or at least I did, to think or feel, as though you were just sort of well, handed your baby... like you did not do any of the work your body was prepared for, as though the penultimate moment you had been building up to, just never happened. And for that reason I did not feel any less love, or connection, or attachment, but that, somehow, I had missed out on actually giving birth to my son. Because, in a manner of speaking, I didnt.
And for this, I can understand that many mothers out there could end up feeling some sort of guilt for that, and I just want to share my experience, incase it would help someone who may feel down, or depressed or worried about what it all means.
Even though I did not really want to be too personal here, for this I was willing to. So mums, you're body did endure a lot, and your mind endured a lot. We had prepared to go through natural labour, but for whatever the reasons were, we had to just bring baby out via a short cut. And now baba is here. It does not mattter how baba got here, because we got them here safely.... and that, is the most important end to any pregnancy, yes?
Admittidly, because of the section I felt a little lost after, but it is ok to admit this, I think it is important not to be afraid of how you feel, and I hope if this even reaches one person doubting themselves, then it was an article worth the time written.
And remember, sometimes it is the most natural thing in the world, to get lost on a short cut.... there is no need to beat yourself up about it.

Everybody needs a pulse...

....and so does every vegetarian and vegan diet. Pulses can make any meal thrive, they are hearty and filling and low in fat, yet full of fibre and an amazing source of protein! Accomodating them into a growing childs diet I believe is essential!  And you can make many a child friendly meal with pulses. Be it a hearty casserole or shepeards pie, or a tasty yummy lasagne.
But hey, what is a pulse? Pulses can be found in the form of beans and lentils and peas! And with so many variaties your meals will never be dull or repetitive!!
At the heart of every meal there should be a strong pulse.

An honest approach into the somewhat unknown....

I want to write about the things that I would like to read about. Hopefully I am not the only one who wants to read about such topics  I want to write from the point of view of someone who is learning, as well as things I know, or believe. I don't think there is anyone out there who knows it all, especially with the ever changing advice and protocol. I certainly dont, and I hope that will add to the appeal xox

Out with the old, and in with the new.

Out with the old, and in with the new. The sad tale that can be for many a beloved house pet once a baby comes along. "we cannot keep the cat it will sit on the babies face" "We cannot keep the dog it will attack the baby" or just a case of the animal being put out and rarely let in, taken to a pound to await a knowing fate, or just abandoned, dumped, or left to fend for itself.
With pet ownership comes responsibility,  and as parents we owe it to our children to show them the same in regards to our furry companions. The pounds and rescue centres in this country are bursting with abandoned animals, they are left to await their fates, for many many reasons, and never at a fault of their own. This article could take an off road of its own without any thinking involved whatsoever, in the many reasons animals are dumped from the lack of responsibility of pet owners. Issues such as rescuing pets rather than buying, thus not aiding Irelands puppy farms. Its an endless and frustrating list. But as a parent, and owner of four cats, I am focusing on that aspect.
However, needless to point out... but I will, a pet, any pet, should never be left alone ever in a room with a newborn, or a baby or child of any age. We heard it all, "you'll have to get rid of your cats" "cats are dirty" "your cats will sit on your babys face" ....
So, the cats at the start were out a bit more than usual, two were, still are terrified of our baba if he cries, and the other two quite frankly, didnt really seem to care at all, other than the odd supervised sniff. And that is it right there, supervision, never ever ever leave even the most docile of house pets alone with a child. And as a baba gets older, like our boy now, they love to grab things, and pull! And an animal has a natural defense reaction to that, be it a swipe or scrawl or bite... children and animals can co exist in a home, but resposible supervision is a must. And to think that because you have a baby you can put out an animal to fend for itself, or just discard is morally wrong and irresponsible.  If our baba had been allergic to our cats, then that would of been a very sad, but definite means to rehoming. I think it is amazing for a child to be brought up with animals, it teaches them compassion for creatures other than ourselves, and towards each other.... it teaches responsibly,  and I believe, lets them know this world has many inhabitants that deserve respect. If you decide to have a pet, think long term always, as one day you may have children, amd for you, can you keep the responsibility of an animal to care for aswell? If you find it hard for the first few months, build or buy a warm house for your garden until everyone has settled in together and gotten used to the new arrival.
If you make an issue, it becomes an issue. Our male cat sprayed (even though spayed) when we had our baba, we nearly had to rehome him, but I fought and fought to do everything to keep him, and he's still here. The truth is, there is no homes for unwated pets.... so I believe it is wrong to put them out of a home they have, for a reason that is not even justified.
You cannot just not care for an animal you surely loved, all of a sudden because it is inconvenient, or because you cannot see past the animal possibly hurting your baby, which wont happen if you, (like I keep stating) are responsible.
Because at the end of it all... is that the message you want to send to your children? Because it is not the message I will ever send to mine.

The Hair and the Tortoise

When it comes to raising boys, many parents opt to keep their little lads hair to a tight cut. I think there is a ridiculus stigma and closed minded view on boys with longer hair.... "you'd think he was a girl", or "he should have a proper haircut"
Such small minded silly comments infuriate me. A parent has as much right to cut their childs hair as they do to keep it longer. But should it matter if a boy does have longer hair? Should parents discriminate against their own children because they believe boys should have short hair and long hair is for girls? Are some parents so concerned at what other parents may think? Or is it genuine concern for school yard bullying?
There is so much time to conform, (if we must) to that clean cut look as we get older, even if it is just for work, interviews etc etc, i believe we should let our children endulge in a time with no prejudices against their own appearances, when they are, well, still children.
Dont race your child to get a haircut where society views as appropriate, but take those steps to childhoods finish line without prejudice towards appearance!